


The World is Overwhelming

by pushupindrag



Series: Muddling Through [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Character Mentions, F/M, Kid Fic, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Steve Rogers Has a Child, scarily adjusted bucky barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3380525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers finds a child three weeks after he's woken from the ice. He takes her in and tries to muddle through the 21st Century while pining for his best friend who may not be dead after all.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>He found her three weeks after he had woken up from the ice. She was crying and dirty, little wails echoing in the ally she had been left in. Her blanket was dirty and she had soiled herself thoroughly, little fists filthy. Steve had gently lifted her and her cries quietened a little. He fell in love with her almost instantly.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The World is Overwhelming

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine Steve Rogers with a child, that is literally the thought that made this entire thing happen. Also I barely know anything about child development so if anything is really wrong please tell me.
> 
> I've only read through it twice and it's un'beted so any mistakes are my own, please tell me if you find any :)

He found her three weeks after he had woken up from the ice. She was crying and dirty, little wails echoing in the ally she had been left in. Her blanket was dirty and she had soiled herself thoroughly, little fists filthy. Steve had gently lifted her and her cries quietened a little. He fell in love with her almost instantly.

He took her home, putting her into a shallow bath while he cleaned her up. She looked tired and ill, coughing occasionally. But she smiled up at him regardless while he spoke to her gently, reassuring her of her safety and telling her who he was and what he was doing. She dozed off in the bath, tired from her crying, so he constructs a makeshift diaper out of one of his old t-shirts after he’s dried her with a soft towel, placing her gently on the table while he does so that she doesn’t wake up. He wraps her in a large blanket he had lying on the back of his couch before hurrying two floors down in the apartment building to the mother of two six year old twins he knows that lives there. The situation finally dawning on him, leaving him scared out of his mind.

He knocks on her door frantically, smoothing his hand over the babies’ back, the little girl thankfully still asleep. The young woman opens the door, looking harried. But when she sees Steve’s terrified look and spots the baby in his arms she smiles softly and ushers him inside.

“Guys, quiet please. There’s a baby sleeping” She tells her arguing sons who were standing toe to toe in the kitchen. Her short hair was pushed back with a hairband and all three members of the family were in pyjamas. Which wasn’t saying much since it was about nine in the morning on a Saturday.  
“Hi Mr Steve” the twins chorus from their position in the kitchen, breaking from their argument to see what all the fuss was about.  
“Morning boys” They seem satisfied and settle in front of the TV, clutching mugs of juice.

“I’m sorry to bother you Joyce” Steve apologises, sitting down at the offered chair. Still gently soothing the baby. She waves off his apology, going to the coffee machine.  
  
“Now,” The woman places a cup of steaming coffee in front of him while sipping at her own “What’s going on?” She had met Steve already, and a baby was definitely out of the ordinary.  
“I found her in the alley at the side of the building. She was filthy so I gave her a bath but she doesn’t sound very well and I’m worried because if she was just left there, that means her parents left her right? And she was on her own and I don’t have any diapers or food and currently she’s wearing my t-shirt as one and I’m freaking out!” He babbles, his breathing starting to become uneven again, like it had when he had found the child.

“First thing’s first, I’m going to send Mark across the way to get some diapers from Stephanie and Jason who are also new parents as well as some formula. Then, I’m going to give you a list of things you’ll need to buy for the baby. I can give you my old pram to keep her in for now. And then, you’re going to have to decide if you want to keep her or not” She says the last thing with a grim expression and Steve can feel his grip tighten a little on the baby girl in his arms. He didn’t want to see somebody else mistreat the poor baby, but he didn’t know when he started to feel that strongly. It was probably when she started drooling down his back, but he couldn’t be sure.

While he was thinking, Joyce had sent Mark to the opposing apartment and he had come back with the diapers and a note to stay that Steve could go over any time. And to just ring if he needed help. He pockets the note before draining the rest of his coffee and asking Joyce for help on how to put the diaper on the girl.

“You have a name?” Joyce asks after Steve had successfully put the diaper onto a now awake child who was sucking gently on a bottle. Steve owed his neighbours so much.  
“Sarah” Steve says definitively. Staring down at the child’s bright blonde wispy hair and dark brown eyes. “Her name is Sarah.” Sarah kicks out her legs and burbles up at him.

“First things first, you’re going to have to take her to the doctors. You were right, she doesn’t sound healthy.” Sarah had a wheeze to her chest that sounded horrible and Steve nods “From there you’ll need to take her shopping for clothes that fit” Joyce had been kind enough to lend Steve some of the boys old baby clothes that swamped Sarah but would do “And some formula, food and a crib and toys. You can keep the pram.” Steve goes to protest but shuts up at her glare.

“Are you going to keep her? Because if you are, you’re going to have a fight on your hands”  
“She’s worth it” Steve grins as he places Sarah in the pram, already decided that she was going to stay with him. For her safety and his sanity. It would be easier to navigate the 21st century of he wasn’t the only one learning, and he couldn’t see Sarah in anybody else’s arms but his. And he thinks that the process might be quicker of he goes through SHIELD, but Joyce didn’t have to know that.

There’s a short wait in the doctor’s office when he gets there after a quick walk in the cold, and nobody bats an eye at him being Captain America anymore. The doctor was SHIELD approved after all.

He picks up Sarah as we waits, rocking her gently. Her breathing was still laboured and he hoped it was nothing too serious. But after years of being sick himself, he couldn’t help but feel frightened for the little mite. He knew how terrible he used to feel when he was ill.

His doctor, Dr Travis looks surprised at the baby when he walked in.  
“I found her in an alleyway” Steve explains “She doesn’t sound well.”

 After diagnosing Sarah with a chest infection that Steve winces at, Dr Travis starts asking questions.  
  
“Now Steven, are you wanting to keep her?” The doctor looks over his glasses at him and Steve nods furiously  
“I don’t want her to be put into the care system. And if her own mother or father doesn’t want her then I will happily take up that role.” He says it firmly, bouncing Sarah on his lap gently  
“You will need to fill out the appropriate paperwork to have legal guardianship over her. I suspect SHIELD will take care of that”  
“I was going to contact Director Fury tomorrow” Steve sniffs at the doctors disapproving tone. He didn’t like how haughty the doctor was.  
“Here is the prescription for the antibiotics” He hands Steve the prescription “She needs to be given the medicine twice daily, one in the morning and once at night” And with that, the pair are practically shoved from the office.

On a normal day, Steve would be having words, but instead he goes to the chemist to pay for the medicine. He gives it to Sarah right there in the deserted shop, thankful that the spoon was small and Sarah was at the point of wanting to try anything she could get her mouth on. ‘Babies try everything with their mouths’ Steve remembers someone telling him, and allows himself to smile at the little frown that graces Sarah’s face after she’s swallowed the medicine. The girl behind the counter looks sympathetic and he just shrugs back before waving, heading to the shops.

The brisk day was wearing on, and he needed to get Sarah settled again. She was getting restless, just sitting in once place for a long period of time.

The list that Joyce gave him proves extremely helpful as he trawls through Target, a shop he’s let himself become familiar with. He picks up a range of clothes for Sarah, holding them up to her for inspection. Then, he goes and picks up a parenting book that looks trustworthy. He grabs some formula directed at Sarah’s age along with a few bottles and some pacifiers. He picks out some toys and a few soft blankets while also picking up a soft play mat. He would have to get a crib later in the day as he couldn’t carry a box that big all the way back to his apartment. He picks up more diapers and baby wipes and finally feels ready to leave.

He pays with the card SHIELD gave him and tries not to wince at the price and goes home, mumbling to Sarah who does so back. She only starts crying when he gets to the apartment building so he hurries up the floors. He only barely pushes his front door closed behind him before he’s scooping up Sarah, bobbing her in his arms as he searches through the plastic bags searching for the formula and a bottle. She must be hungry.

He curses himself for not feeding her sooner before he finds everything and goes over to the kitchen, still bobbing her while he garbles nonsense quietly to try and get her to calm down. He puts the kettle on and follows the instructions, testing the drink on his hand before practically shoving the bottle into the baby’s mouth. She quietens instantly as she sucks, and he breathes a sigh before rinsing his hand off at the sink, still cradling Sarah in one arm.

“So you’re coping well then?” A deep voice and he startles before turning around to face Director Fury. He isn’t surprised, but he makes a mental note to check the locks on his door and windows again.  
“I’m keeping her” He responds, afraid that Nick would want to take her.  
“I know son, but you need to get her seen to. Get her weighed and things seeing as though the idiot doctor you saw didn’t see fit to do so”  
“You’re not taking her away?” He lets Sarah grab onto one of his fingers, wiggling it  
“No, but I am going to ask you to meet with me tomorrow to get some paperwork filled out”  
“Of course sir” He moves aside to let the director pass  
“Good luck son” He says before shutting the door behind him, leaving Steve and Sarah alone.

“Well Sarah, looks like we’ve got a busy day tomorrow” Steve smiles and Sarah smiles back. He gets out the play mat once she’s finished her bottle and lets her play while he potters around, setting up a place for everything. He didn’t get a crib, which he would get tomorrow.

For tonight, she falls asleep on his chest, one little stubby hand tangled in his shirt while he told her stories until they both fell asleep.

The next day, he walks them to SHIELD headquarters, dressing Sarah in a little yellow dress he had bought along with tights, booties, a little jacket and hat combination and a blanket, talking to her all the while. Director Fury himself oversees the procedure of Sarah getting weighed, measured and doesn’t mind when Steve glares at the man getting Sarah’s blood, practically snapping at him when Sarah yelps. The doctor puts Sarah at around three months old. While they’re waiting for the blood results, Steve fills out a mountain of paperwork that puts Sarah into his legal guardianship. He has a large smile on his face throughout the entire thing, not even caring about the amount of hand cramp he gets afterwards. The blood results come back and Steve’s relieved to find that she’s fine, other than the chest infection.

“I’ll see you when I see you” He shakes Fury’s hand and then he’s on his way. Steve was still part of SHIELD, but he was off duty unless the world was in dire need. Now that he had Sarah.

He stops off at a baby store on his way back home to buy a cot and car seat, beaming proudly when the store girl fauns over Sarah. He leaves happy, the two things getting delivered the next day.

He pops into Stephanie and Jason’s, handing over a new pack of diapers and a box of formula as a thank you and they make arrangements to meet in the park during the week seeing as though their son was only a few months older than Sarah. Then he goes over to Joyce’s to hug her tightly and offer to help her out any way he can which she snorts at, but promises that she will.

The new world was overwhelming, of course it was. But he was happy now that he had Sarah to focus on instead of dwelling in the past. If he could get his mind of Bucky, then everything would be fine. He knew though that Sarah wasn’t just a distraction, he already loved the little bundle, and now she was with him, he couldn’t see a world without her.

//

He got a phone the next day, programming in numbers of his neighbours, the doctors and Director Fury which he had snorted at, but needs must apparently. And he had let Sarah laugh at him when he got frustrated at the thing and had almost thrown it.

He talks to her constantly, and he figures out that she doesn’t mind the crib for daytime naps, but won’t sleep properly unless it’s on his chest at night. He buys her books that she loves to hear him read, and his singing voice isn’t as rusty as he thought it would be. He learns her different cries, for when she’s hungry or uncomfortable or when she just wants to be cuddled, and he becomes an expert at changing her diaper. He’s even getting accustomed to the regular nightly waking as she cries for a feed. It isn’t much of a stretch from his nightmares anyway. It just hits a little hard the next day if he’s been awake with both nightmares and Sarah, and still had to function. Super serum or no.

She starts to babble more frequently, responding to Steve as he talks as the months drip past. Any time he makes a face at her, she tries to copy, and starts to preen when he praises her. She loves cuddles, constantly asking for them when she’s not playing or eating, doing it subconsciously when she sleeps. He finds her weight reassuring as she snuggles, drooling onto his chest, jolting awake occasionally and blinking blearily at him before dozing off again.

As she grows, Steve baby-proofs the house. Plugging in sockets and making sure that there aren’t any edges she could bang her head on for when she can do more than roll. It’s a big day when she sits up on her own, and then promptly falls back down again because Steve’s enthusiastic reaction had gotten her giggling too hard. She seemed to find Steve hilarious. Which Steve appreciated greatly.

Rolling over had been another step that Steve had nearly cried at, and he managed to get that on video his phone so that he could show Joyce. Sarah loved Joyce and all the jewellery that Joyce wore, grasping at necklaces and poking at earrings. Steve was always quick to apologise and untangle little fingers, redrawing Sarah’s attention to his t-shirt collar or a toy. Joyce just laughed, wincing occasionally but happy and relatively unharmed.

Sarah starts eating solid food, and Steve’s probably had more food on his floors and walls than in her mouth but he doesn’t mind. With the help of Joyce, Stephanie and Jason he muddles through the new century. Becoming more aware, enough to be able to figure his way around a laptop and graphics tablet. He even gets himself a small job creating logos for advertisers from home, and uses it to get some digital art out there.

He still favours the physical aspect of paper and paint for his painting and sketching, but he has a blog where he puts any little stories he comes up with, along with the paired illustrations he whips up. They’re mainly children’s stories, but he has an idea going on somewhere in his brain so he puts up character ideas and possible plotlines. He mainly drew up children’s stories though, putting up the ones that Sarah approved of. He got a bit of reception, all of it good. So he carried on whenever he could. Mainly whenever he put Sarah down for her afternoon naps.

They get a routine going. Mondays and Wednesdays they would stay in, Tuesdays were food shopping days, Thursdays he would go to the park with either Stephanie or Joyce depending on who was free, or on his own and Fridays were group days which was when he went to the rec centre with other parents and their children for a sing along or activity day. Sarah enjoyed it more than he did.

He enjoyed spending time with his little girl, enjoyed playing with her and entertaining her. She seemed mesmerised when he drew slowly, using bright colours on white paper to create simple portraits so that she could follow better. And he laughed whenever she tried to twist awkwardly when he called her name so that she could look at him.

Her chest infection had cleared quickly, but he had managed to get baby safe vitamins for her from a different doctor that he approved off. And they still had bad nights, nights when he couldn’t sleep from the nightmares or memories, or nights when Sarah just refused to sleep. Even when he read or sang to her. There had been a scary moment too when she had nearly flung herself off the couch trying to reach for something colourful on the TV. That had led them to spend the night at the ER, leaving with nothing more than a lecture on how not to be an over-reacting parent.

She grows quickly, mentally and physically. So Steve starts narrating every bit of the day for her, their ‘conversations’ getting longer and longer as the time wears on. They get through a mountain of clothes, but Steve doesn’t mind.

She starts to show an affinity for making noise, one that Steve can appreciate and hate in equal measures. On the one hand, it meant that she was developing quickly and when she had first said  
“Daddy” One morning upon waking up, he had cried with happiness. But on the other hand, it meant that he constantly had to remind her of their ‘inside voices’ for fear of the neighbours complaining. But screw the neighbours, if having her babble to him and tell him what she does and doesn’t want, or pretend to loudly read to herself annoyed them, then so be it.

He can’t help shouting though if she gets too close to somewhere unsafe when she’s crawling which helps nobody and ends up in tears.  But Joyce told him that that was just what parents did so he can’t feel too bad.

Christmas and New Year are quiet affairs, Sarah too young to understand and Steve too tired to participate. But they do look out of the window on the snowy days, Steve breathing on the glass to fog it up for Sarah who would ‘draw’ with stubby fingers on the window pane. And he teaches her some Christmas carols which she quickly gets the gist of. Humming to herself randomly when she lost the tune. And the splotchy paintings and crayon drawings of snowmen and snowflakes were proudly scattered around the apartment. They even had fun making paper chains, but that was the true extent of the festivities other than a big show of ‘santa’ coming early on Christmas morning with a few sparse presents that consisted of clothes and some fancy chocolate that he knew Sarah would enjoy sucking on. Christmas ends with them sacked onto the couch, full from the hearty dinner that Steve cooked up.

And new year passes the exact same way. Steve not even bothering to stay up till midnight. They had visits from Joyce and Stephanie’s family during the day, but other than that it was uneventful.

Sarah’s birthday rolls around quickly and she’s already walking on eager, wobbly feet with Steve's help on the occasin she let shim.  
“Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddy” She calls on the morning, smacking him in the face from her position on his chest.  
“No, no hitting Sarah” He grumbles, wiping a hand over his face. She looks sorry and clumsily smashes her mouth to his face in a kiss. He laughs and she pushes herself off his chest, smiling back “Thank you” She still didn’t like sleeping in her crib in the back room which was now a pale green colour, but he didn’t mind. She slept through the night now, and he was used to getting up at around five in the morning. Their system worked.

Her first steps had been exciting and terrifying. Walking from the couch, where she had been holding herself up with pudgy arms, to Steve’s outstretched embrace. She had fallen so many times, but she never cried. She was a hardy little mite. The first time she made it to Steve’s arms he had laughed and grinned, spinning her around while she cackled before putting her down to try again. The second time she had veered off and nearly bumped into the coffee table. He had moved the table at that point, and spent the next few weeks chasing after her as she started walking faster, getting out of the habit of crawling. He might have preferred her crawling if she was any faster on her feet.  
  
“Daddy” She calls again and he grins  
“I’m up, I’m up!” He grabs her around the waist, ‘tossing’ her onto the bed. She laughs loudly as he gets up, placing her onto his hip to go to the kitchen. He puts her in her high chair, setting her with her favourite breakfast. Apple slices and honey. He’d have to bath her before changing her but he didn’t mind. She was one today.

“ank-ee” Sarah mumbles, starting to eat with vigour while Steve puts on some coffee with himself. They went on a jog every morning, Steve pushing Sarah in the pram. Stopping for a bagel on the walk back after jogging around the park.

He wipes her down, she’d have a bath later. Once they’re both finished and gets her dressed warmly, it was February after all, it was still cold, they go for their morning jog. Steve jogs, and Sarah natters and points at things from her position in the buggy, Steve replying and affirming her musing.  
  
They go to a diner on the way back home, Steve a little sweaty and Sarah a little more awake  
“Hey Wanda” He greets the lady at the counter who grins at him widely, grey hair scraped back into a bun. Donna’s Diner was his favourite place to eat. Both the food and staff were great.  
“Hey Steve, hello Sarah” She comes out to the front, crouching down to the pram to make faces at Sarah who copies them.  
“How are you doing?” Steve asks, helping Wanda up, knees not as good as they used to be  
“I’m great honey. How are you faring?”  
“I’m great! My story idea might have been picked up, but I’m not entirely sure yet”  
“Brilliant, and how about the little miss?”  
“She’s one today” He beams “And brilliant, she took more steps yesterday”  
“Scary stuff hey?”  
“Hell yeah” Steve chuckles as Wanda pushes over the bagel. Steve goes to pay but the woman refuses  
“Call it a birthday present”  
“No, come on-“  
“Not on your life Steven!”  
“Yes ma’am” He salutes and she laughs  
“Off with you, I’ll see you both tomorrow”  
“We’ll be seeing you.”

He goes back into the cold again, running when Sarah cheers him on, unapologetic of the people who tsk around him. It was his baby girl’s birthday, he could do what he liked. If running made her happy then he would run for all he was worth. And he wasn’t even running at his full speed!

//

Their little life of harmony is disrupted when Fury calls him in to save the world four months later.

“I know how to take care of her Steve” Joyce laughs, but Steve carries on fretting anyway as he hands everything over.  
“I have to go, but I’ll be back as soon as I can and I’ll ring every evening-“  
“Steve, go!” Sarah didn’t cry at Steve leaving, used to being baby sat now. It was a system him and Joyce had come up with. Once a month, Joyce would go out and he would look after the boys, and then he would go out and she would look after Sarah. Just to give both of them a little time to themselves. Steve often spent it in a nice restaurant he wanted to try. Alone of course, he wasn’t looking around. But he knew that Joyce had been on some very nice dates. All secretly assessed by him when he had the chance, he wasn’t going to let Joyce get hurt.  
“You have my key, and there’s money in there. She hates oranges-“  
“Steve”  
“Sarah, be good for Daddy. I’ll be back as soon as I can” He picks her up, bouncing her high before blowing on her tummy which gets her squealing. He kisses her sloppily and she returns it,  
“Bye Daddy”  
“Love you baby, okay I’m gone!” He rushes out. Leaving them to it. She would be safe, and he would stay safe for her, the world be damned.

It’s a terrible battle. He just wants to go home.

“Hey baby girl” He smiles sadly down the phone. The carrier had almost collapsed, Coulson was dead and Clint was in recovery. He didn’t know where anybody else was. He was beaten and bruised, and admittedly he was hiding from going to face everybody. He had nearly failed everyone, the great Captain America.  
   
“Daddy!” He hears Sarah on the other end of the line and he cheers up a little, his baby girl was safe for now, he’d done his job so far although the battle was far from over.  
“Are you being good for Joyce?”  
“Yes!” She stresses the word  
“Are you sure?” He manages to sound joking through his pain and she laughs again, the brightness giving him a little bit of hope  
“Yes!” She exclaims again  
“Alright, I love you”  
"oo tooooo” He laughs, she must be really chatty today if she was dragging her words out  
“I miss you and I’lll see you soon”  
“Bye daddy!” He talks to Joyce for a few minutes just to make sure that everything was okay before hanging up. Letting himself go and get medical attention.

“Who were you talking to?” He gets cornered on his way back by Natasha who’s glaring a little, looking tired and angry. He knew she was approaching but he jumped anyway.  
“My daughter” He says as if it were obvious, didn’t everybody know? He thought Fury would have told people who had the clearance.  
“You have a daughter?”  
“Didn’t everybody know that I have a daughter? She was one in February”  
“Nobody told me. What’s her name?” He was getting used to the quick fire questions. He didn’t mind, he wanted Natasha to know that he could be trusted. If she wanted to ask questions he would give her honest answers.  
“I haven’t been in the media or anything thank goodness. And the only people I talk to really live in my complex or the baby group. Oh and there’s Wanda, the lady at Donna’s Diner. Oh! Her name is Sarah.” He can feel himself smiling as he talks about her. He can’t help it.  
“You adopted her?”  
“Kinda, there wasn’t an official process considering I found her in an alley” He knows his words come out harsh, but he can’t help it. He was sick of that damned question.  
“Sorry”  
“Don’t be” He shrugs “I miss her like hell”  
“Well, you would. She’s your kid”  
“Yer” He smiles again and the woman next to him actually smiles back.

He thinks that’s why she trusts him so much after she let shim toss her up to the alien transport, thing. He’s still a little confused if he’s honest.

//

The incident is why he’s not surprised when she turns up at his door, bottle of vodka in hand two weeks after the battle for New York. He was just getting Sarah off to sleep so he gestures to the room as if to say ‘get comfortable’ and goes into his bedroom, sitting on the bed to pick up the book again. He finishes reading it and then sings Sarah to sleep for another few minutes. He places her gently in bed, on his side as she clutches at his pillow as she gently snores. She was getting another cold. He pets over her hair which was growing out quickly and he wonders whether he should get it cut before turning back to the matter in hand.

He leaves Sarah, tucking her in before going to the living room where the red-headed assassin was sitting in front of the couch, TV on mute while she swigged from the bottle.

“He’s fucking, ran off!” She whispers, eyeing Steve as he sits opposite her, shutting the TV off.  
“You don’t have to whisper, she’ll sleep through anything”  
“She’s beautiful”  
“I think so”  
“She sleeping regularly?”  
“Who ran off?” He can tell she’s trying to take the conversation off her, so he tries to steer it back  
“Your apartment bugged?” Another swig  
“No, I check regularly” She smiles at that “You can’t blame me for being a little paranoid”  
“You want some?” She offers and Steve shakes his head. He can’t get drunk, but he never liked vodka. Bucky liked vodka. No, he wasn’t going down that route. He wouldn’t let himself.

He turns his attention back to Natasha who’s staring at him  
“Who left Nat?”  
“Clint” She whispers “Fucker ran off”  
“To where?”  
“Dunno, told me not to track him”  
“You know why?”  
“Loki fucked him over, he needs to get his head together”  
“But you want to be there right?”  
“Yer, we look out for each other”  
“Maybe he needs to re-find himself. Sometimes, people don’t want help with that”  
“Would you want help with that?”  
“I adopted a child and fell off the face of the earth, what do you think?”

She continues to stare at him, but she cracks a smile. It’s small, but it’s there.  
“You’re alright Steven Grant Rogers”  
“You’re cool too Natasha Romanov”  
“You want to learn Russian? Russian Lullabies are the best”  
“You want to teach me?”  
“Gotta do something with my time now that Clint’s gone”  
“He hasn’t gone, he’s just wandered for a bit”  
“Alright, okay. Now tell me about your little girl”  
“Well, her name’s Sarah Rogers, after my mom. And she’s a little spitfire. She’s already naming some of her colours and she extremely loud when she knows she’s pointing out something right. She likes dogs and cats, but she loves going to the aquarium to watch the fish. And she grins like a shark every time we go.”

He moves Natasha to the couch a half hour later, setting her up with a blanket and some pillows, taking the vodka to put in the freezer.  
“I’ll be gone in the morning” She yawns  
“No, I think you should stay for breakfast. I want you to meet Sarah”  
“You gonna stay here and tell me more to convince me?”  
“Of course” So he sits there, and tells her what goes on in baby group and how their days plan out until she falls asleep.

He tucks her in tighter before going back to bed, tucking himself around Sarah who snuggles into him while she sleeps.

The next morning, Sarah wakes him up with a sneeze  
“Aw baby, come on” He juggles her sleepy body awake and she snuffles into his neck as he creeps past a still sleeping Natasha. He smiles, happy that she’s stayed and goes to the kitchen, going to get Sarah her baby vitamins. After feeding her them, he sits her down in her high chair, slicing up a banana with some dry cereal. Putting the plate in front of her he puts the coffee on, setting out two mugs.

Sarah must be feeling under the weather, because she lets Steve feed her in her sleepy state instead of shouting loudly to try and do it herself like she normally would.  
“Daddy” She whines instead, picking up an apple slice before cramming it into her mouth. Waking up a little.  
“How you feeling Sarah?” He asks quietly as she munches, waiting for the coffee.  
“Sneezy” Is the answer he gets before she goes back to slowly feeding herself again.  
  
“Coffee?” A rusty voice says from the doorway and he grins  
“You can go back to bed if you want. It’s only half five. You can take mine and Sarah’s. It might still be warm” Natasha ignores him, pouring them both the coffee.

“Daddy” A sticky hand prods his arm “Who that?” She had turned her large eyes to Natasha who was blearily staring back, cup to her mouth  
“This is Natasha” He smiles “She’s a friend”  
“Nat-sha?”  
“Just Nat” Natasha mumbles  
“NAT NAT!” Sarah shouts excitedly  
“Good girl” Steve praises the ability to say at least part of the name and laughs at Natasha’s groan  
“It’s too early for shouting”

“Sarah, what did we say about indoor voices?” He corrects himself and she widens her eyes, putting her finger to her lips making a loud ‘shhh’ noise.  
“Good girl, now finish your apples. Come on.” Natasha grunts gratefully.

“You want to join us on a jog?”  
“You take your child jogging? Can she even walk?”  
“She’s in the pram” Steve barely stops himself from laughing at the look on Natasha’s face  
“Oh can it Rogers, it’s early!”  
“So that’s a yes?”  
“That’s a yes.”

They go jogging, and Natasha slowly moves into Steve’s apartment. Sleeping on the couch and keeping the freezer stocked with vodka. Steve doesn’t mind, and Sarah loves her.

“Nat Nat!” is the only warning Natasha would get in the mornings before Sarah would launch herself onto the couch, snuggling up to the woman before falling into another doze while Steve prepared breakfast and coffee. Nat came with them to places she could be bothered. But she always went to the park with them. Tossing soft balls for Sarah to chase or try and catch, roaring like a lion while they played and taking over if she felt Steve needed to sleep. She was never overly involved, but she was present. She helps Steve slowly teach Sarah her colours and the alphabet, singing her to sleep in Russian on the nights that Steve can’t shut his brain off. Sarah had even taken to copying her, brushing through her hair like Natasha would, or grumpily copying her facial expressions when Nat was having a bad day, only to jostle her out of it.

Clint gets in touch with Natasha a few weeks later, and she stops sleeping on Steve’s couch, but she’s still there practically every day anyway.  
  
“So, when are you gonna tell me about Bucky Barnes?” Natasha asks one afternoon as the two sit in the park, sitting either side of the baby swing that Sarah’s perched in, in the otherwise deserted park.  
“Never” Steve chokes out, not letting himself falter in pushing the swing  
“What do you mean never?” Natasha snorts  
“By never I mean never.”  
“Steve come on-“

“DADDY! SICK!” Sarah squawks as he pushes her a little too hard and runs to apologise. Thank goodness for Sarah.

He caves later over greasy pizza. Sarah was in bed and he was nursing a beer while Natasha had her usual bottle of vodka. He wasn’t sure how she didn’t get hangovers, but he always left painkillers out for her just in case on the mornings after she got through more than half a bottle and they always disappeared.  
“Bucky Barnes was my best friend.” He starts, leaning against the couch with his eyes closed. Nights like these, they never sat on the couch. Nights like these he wished he could still get drunk.  
“And?”  
“And the complete love of my life” He admits sadly. He tried not to think about Bucky. He could think about Peggy and the Commandos and Howard with a rueful smile and a warm feeling. But when it came to Bucky and his family, he just couldn’t do.  
“Did he know?”  
“Wouldn’t fuck me if he didn’t” Natasha chokes on her pizza, and Steve doesn’t bother to hide his smirk. If she wanted to know then she’d get every singly dirty detail. Or, any he could spare to give anyway.  
“So he returned the feelings then?”  
“Would he have fucked me if he didn’t?”  
“So that’s why you never go after one of the single mums in the park then?”  
“I do that because I’m a decent human being”  
“You do that because you still love him, don’t you?”  
“Yer, that’s not a sort of love you can forget”  
“You’re a sap”  
“So are you”  
“Shut up and eat your pizza”  
“You’re going to have to stop telling me that, Sarah’s started to say it to the other kids in fewer words, but still”  
“Not you?” Natasha takes a large bite, talking with her mouth full  
“She tried once”  
“You shouted at her?”  
“Nah, just told her I was disappointed with her”  
“The puppy eyes work on your own daughter too? You got mad skills Rogers”  
“Never say that again.”

//

Sarah develops even more, and with the arrival of Sam, a friend Steve made while out jogging. She starts asking for music.  
“You need to start putting some stuff other than jazz on” Sam remarks, sitting on the floor with Sarah who was trying to colour his arm bright blue  
“Sarah, colour the paper, not people” Steve says with his ‘parenting’ tone of voice as Clint called it. She pouts but does so, muttering an approximation of a quiet sorry to Sam who ruffles her hair  
“No hard feeling blondie”  
“Jazz is great” Steve shrugs “And I’m not playing her the normal radio these days. It’s terrible”  
“Look, all I’m saying is, she needs something more than slow and easy listening. I’ll link you some stuff.” Steve just huffs but nods, he wasn’t going to get out of it.

Christmas and New years are quiet affairs again, except Clint, Natasha and Sam join the duo. They all exchange small gifts on Christmas eve, and let Steve and Sarah have Christmas day alone.

Among everything, he gets her a soft fluffy bunny in a pale yellow which immediately she starts to chew on.

They go for a quiet walk on Christmas day, Steve letting Sarah walk in the snow, helping her build a snowman and teaching her how to make snow angels. Then they go back and drink hot chocolate, letting the television play quietly while Steve read Sarah her books and helped her with her blocks.

New year was quiet, everybody just gathering in Steve’s to have a drink and clink glasses when the new year rolled in. During the day Joyce came up briefly and everybody had a laugh, mostly at Steves expense and the twins were quietly conspiring in a corner. Steve wasn’t going to touch that with a ten foot pole.

The morning after, Steve wakes up late, only to have Sam bring him coffee, insisting that Clint had drunk the first three pots all on his own while Natasha sat with Sarah at the table, finger painting.  
“We got another one for the fridge?” He questions sleepily  
“Yep” Sarah chirrups and he smiles, content with his life and friends.

//

Sarah’s second birthday passes loudly, with some of her friends from group turning up, as well as the neighbours and friends from the park. Sam, Clint and Natasha are all there of course, armed with presents and cake.

Steve finds that children and cake don’t mix. At all.  
“I hate you” He groans at the sleeping collective still there after spending three hours trying to get Sarah to sleep, rubbing at his tired eyes. Clint was asleep under the table, Natasha on the arm chair and Sam sprawled across the couch.

The day had gone well, he gets her a set of number and alphabet blocks as he’s teaching her. He gets her some finger paints and a large stack of paper along with a doll she had been staring at of her favourite Disney princess. She adored Merida. As well as some more books, ready for her to begin to read as already she was trying to read the ones they already had. She had started asking more questions now, never ending questions about everything under the sun with what limited vocabulary she had. But that didn’t mean she questioned the half eaten carrot and the lack of cookies. She had shrieked at that. He had also handed over the presents that Sam, Natasha and Clint had gotten her. There was a CD of lullabies from Natasha, a book on bears from Sam and a hideous purple t-shirt from Clint.

He sets to work cleaning up the majority of the mess, but stops when Sarah calls out to him, crying. When he reaches her he scoops her up, rocking her until her sobs turn into sniffles  
“Bad dream baby?” Sarah nods into his chest, little hands clinging to his neck. “I’m here now. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”  
“Prm’se?” The child mutters and he nods  
“I promise. No monsters will ever hurt you, I won’t let them.” She huffs and buries closer  
“You want to put on the CD Nat Nat got you?” The girl nods and he does so before climbing into bed. She had her own bed now, a toddler’s one with a side, and all her toys were in her room along with her books. She did sleep in there sometimes, but she still preferred to sleep in Steve’s bed. They both drift off soon enough after Steve had talked Sarah down a little more, cooing softly and patting her back and hair until she drifted.

He wakes up smelling of pee. He looks down, and there was Sarah huddling on the other side of the bed, sniffing.  
“Let’s get us cleaned up” He sighs, tired but not angry. He just vowed to never feed his daughter cake again.  
“Angry?” Sarah asks and he shakes his head  
“’Course not, was it the dream again?” She nods “Well, how about we get you and I cleaned up, and then you go and wake Nat Nat up, and she can go kick monster butt for you?” The idea of kicking monster butt puts a smile onto Sarah’s face so he leaves her on the bed, darting to the bathroom to start the bath for her and get her some clean pyjamas as well as some of his own. They wouldn’t be leaving the house today. Once he dumps everything in the bathroom, he goes into his bedroom to swoop Sarah up, making her giggle as he strips her of the dirty clothes and dumps her into the bath. The bath has plenty of bubbles and she entertains herself playing with a rubber duck as he cleans her. Once done, he hesitantly dries her off and she dresses herself before running into the living room.

He trusts the trio in the living room to look after Sarah so he locks the door and drains the bath, turning the shower on and stripping. He lets himself relax, the warm water soothing his muscles. He doesn’t realise he’s starting to dose against the tiles until he feels himself slip and catches himself on the glass. From there, he quickly washes and gets out. Drying himself only to change into soft sweat pants and a t-shirt that had holes at the hem.

When he steps out, Sam’s there by the washing machine  
“We got everything taken care of. Go back to bed”  
“What?” Steve asks stupidly  
“I made the bed, it isn’t wet or anything. Go and have a nap, I can see the bags under your eyes”  
“I’m Captain America I don’t need to sleep” Steve mumbles, but the idea sounds awfully nice  
“You do need sleep. Now go.” Too tired at this point, Steve nods and wanders back to bed. Falling asleep as soon as he gets comfortable. Parenting was hard.

//

Sarah starts having full blown conversations with everybody as the months proceed, and Steve enrolls her in pre-school for the September. She thrives among her friends, and with his teaching she starts spelling and reading. Arguing with Sam about bears and bonding with Clint over their shared love of purple. She starts running head long at things in the park, not caring if she bumps her head or scrapes her knee. She was a trooper, one with a loud voice and unruly hair. Steve loved her dearly.

She makes friend in the park quickly, commandeering their play to create stories of monsters and dragons, of raving seas and queens. Steve thinks that they aren’t so much her friends but her followers, always wanting to be in her spotlight, happy to follow her as her imagination and storytelling skills ran wild.

Her first imaginary friend was called Chealsea, her second Pal, and her third Frankie. He heard about them often, and often had Clint howling at the things she said that they did. They were also her favourite people to blame if she did something naughty like knocking things off tables or colouring in the walls. But all Steve had to do was use his ‘tone of voice’ and she would apologise, and she rarely did it again.

“Sarah” He warns as she starts getting mouthy with Natasha and she shrinks before saying sorry, hugging Natasha who of course forgives her before going back to playing cars.

“I don’t know when I became such a dad” He admits sheepishly to Sam in the kitchen a few days later and Sam laughs after a small bust up between Sarah and him. He had thoroughly unleashed his dad voice which had shocked everybody in the room.  
“When you started being able to use technology maybe grandpa”  
“Shut up jerk face.”

Sam and Natasha disappear for a while without warning, leaving Clint to drink Steve’s coffee until he’s called in by SHIELD. Steve doesn’t question it, they did this sometimes, it was nothing to worry about.

//

He starts to worry when he gets shot at one evening through the living room window while he’s helping Sarah read through another one of her books. And it’s only his enhanced senses that make him duck and cover Sarah at the last second. The shooter had missed, but that was only because Steve had moved. He was just thankful that the bullet was aiming for him and not Sarah.

His thoughts are flying too fast within his brain for him to process anything other than safety, getting out of the room and keeping Sarah safe.

He tries to get his breathing under control as he finds the blind spot in the hallway of the apartment, unsure if the shooter was coming back. Sarah starts to cry, loudly as he holds on tight and tries to shush her, but his breathing is too erratic and his thoughts too wild for him to be able to. He stays crouched in the hall, body covering Sarah’s as he waits it out. He didn’t know what to do, his shield was in a cupboard somewhere and he didn’t have any guns or knives in the house unless you counted kitchen knives. He should have grabbed one. He should have protected his windows more, reinforced them or something.

He jumps up when his front door opens, managing to shift Sarah behind him before he realises that it’s Natasha at the door and not some attacker  
“We were shot at, please tell me you’re here for that”  
“That’s why I’m here” She confirms “But he’s gone, we couldn’t catch up to him.”  
“So now what?” He grabs Sarah again and finally manages to calm her down. She sucks on her thumb, burrowing as far as she can get into Steve’s chest.  
“We’re moving you to Stark Tower”  
“What? NO! Natasha-“  
“It’s the safest place. Just until we've caught the guy”  
“I can’t just uproot Sarah”  
“You either uproot her or you die. Pick one” She’s back to being no-nonsense assassin so he just nods. He would re-locate.  
“This is what you’ve been doing while you’ve been gone, isn’t it?” She just nods before pushing past him, ready to help him make up a bag for both him and Sarah.

The tower is large, bright and Sarah proof. Which was always going to be a surprise.  
“She’s walking right?” Stark had questioned “Pepper took care of it”  
“What?” Steve was in a state of shock.

He hadn’t been thinking, hadn’t proofed his apartment well enough. Sarah could have died and it was his fault.  
  
“Cap?” His thoughts start swirling and he can’t pin one down, everywhere is too bright, the space is too open. He needs to check, not just for bugs this time, for weak spots, he failed as a father, Sarah almost died, it was his fault.

The world falters and he feels his knees go weak, his vision blaring. Somebody tries to take Sarah from his arms and he lashes out blindly, clumsily. The last thing he remembers is her getting taken from him.

//

He wakes up alone in a comfortable room. The silence is deafening. He surges up out of the covers with a jolt and spins around  
“Where’s Sarah?” He growls, he knew about Jarvis.  
“Miss Sarah is downstairs in the common room with Miss Romanof and Mr Barton. Mr Wilson is currently in your kitchen where he is waiting for you”  
“Thanks Jarvis” He sighs. Sarah was safe, she was okay.

“Sam?” He makes it out of his room and into the kitchen where Sam was waiting with coffee, scrolling on his phone  
“Sit” Sam directs and points him to the empty chair at the table  
“What happened?”  
“You had a very large panic attack. Sarah’s asking for you”  
“Then why don’t we go and see her?” Steve questions, but he takes a sip of the coffee in front of him. He knew that Sam was just telling him for his peace of mind.  
“Because we need to have a little chat”  
“Sam I’m fine”  
“Nobody has a panic attack on that large a scale and is fine. Natasha also tells me that you aren’t sleeping. Even when Sarah is.”  
“I’m fine”  
“No, we’re talking about this”  
“Sam, drop it” All Steve wanted to do was see his daughter. That was it. Not have an intense discussion over whether he was okay or not.

Sam doesn’t drop it  
“The VA is always open man, and I know some good therapists”  
“Sam, I don’t need a therapist”  
“Look Steve, I’m gonna tell you what I think.” Steve makes a ‘go on’ gesture over his coffee. He was tired and cranky, he just wanted to get this over with “I reckon the only reason you’re alive is because of Sarah. And if she wasn’t here, you wouldn’t be. You have a fuck tonne of survivor’s guilt and you’re still in love with Bucky Barnes. Don’t think I don’t know when you sneak out to everybody’s graves with Sarah okay. And that one time when you went to Paris for a ‘holiday’ and came back with tacky souvenirs and a new layer of guilt on your shoulders. You blame yourself for that shooting and feel as though you have to single handedly save the world” Steve just hunches further into himself, nodding. “You get nightmares and panic attacks, you can barely get out in the winter, and only go out for Sarah. Your heating is always on unless it’s the height of summer and you refuse to visit the ocean. Tell me I’m wrong” Steve hunches further, shaking his head. Sam was right.  
“I can’t”  
“Then I guess the rest is up to you” He stands, picking up his coffee and Steve mimics him before they both go down to the communal floor.

He almost cries when he sees Sarah and she launches herself at him  
“Hey baby girl” He chuckles, burying his face in her unruly curls.  
“Daddy” She pokes at his face, grinning “We made a hugggeee tower out of the cushions and now we got a fort! And Arvis said he gon' put on Brave!” Her face is filled with excitement so he puts her down, and lets her run back to her fort where Clint was shooting arrows from inside, ones with suckers on the bottom so that they stuck to the windows and walls. He forces a smile, trying to get back into his head.

They watch Brave, and then it’s time for bed. While Sarah’s dressing herself for bed under Steve’s supervision, she stops and turns to him  
“What happened today?” He chokes around the answer.  
“Well,” He starts before groaning, how do you explain that you got shot at to a two year old? “Well, we had to leave our home today because a very bad person tried to hurt me”  
“Who do dat?” Sarah asks and he can see her eyes well up  
“I don’t know baby. But Nat Nat says she going to find them”  
“And kick their butt?”  
“And kick their butt, just like she does to the monsters” Really, he hadn’t given any thought to his attacker. He had been too preoccupied.

Sarah falls asleep quickly, curled right up into his side, but he doesn’t sleep. He was highly removed from SHIELD, enough so that he had been completely removed from the media and people didn’t fully recognise him anymore. Captain America had fallen off the face of the Earth. So why the hell was someone trying to kill him?

//

The days pass quietly. Steve is under house arrest courtesy of Fury, so he spends his time with Sarah as they explore the large tower. They learn not to bother Pepper, as she is a very busy woman and Steve feels terrible for interrupting her, and to stay well away from Tony’s lab. Sarah enjoys the gym as she likes running into the cushioned walls and falling over without hurting herself while Steve works out, and afterwards they often go up to the roof so that Steve can draw and Sarah can learn about all the different plants that Bruce has stored up there.

Natasha and Sam disappear again, but it’s okay. Thor visits when he isn’t with Jane and at first, Sarah jumps at his booming voice and larger than life personality. But he wins her over after he quietens down a little and offers Sarah unlimited piggy back rides. Sarah is pretty much sold from there.

She carries on sleeping through the night, but Steve notices that she doesn’t take well to loud noises and flinches at sudden ones. He doesn’t know what to do in those situations other than remind her that she’s safe and that nothing bad was going to happen.

They were doing well, surviving. The tower slowly started to feel like home, along with everybody’s help. Tony let Sarah chase Dum-E around, while trying not to let onto the fact that he was watching her like a mother hen. Steve had just laughed, leaving them to go and take a nap. He wasn’t completely okay with Tony, their personalities just clashed in a way that would never enable them to fully be friends. But they were civil and could hold conversations without going for each other’s throats. Jarvis was a great help, his soothing voice enough to get Sarah back to sleep, without Natasha’s Russian lullabies and despite being an AI, Steve suspected that he was practically fully sentient if he wasn’t already there yet. Jarvis was great.

Sarah got on with everybody, and was comfortable enough to leave Steve in favour of any one of them. Clint bought her purple stuff, and his dog Lucky adored Sarah due to the amount of food that Sara ‘accidentally’ dropped. Thor was often there to pretend to be large animals, ‘battling’ with Sarah or giving her rides on his shoulders. Bruce was a calming presence, and helped her fuel her thirst for knowledge by telling her simplified science that she eagerly clung onto, and Pepper helped her with maths or was there to brush her hair whenever she had a spare minute.

He couldn’t wait for Sarah to go to pre-school, she was getting restless and was always asking ‘why’. He honestly couldn’t wait. Sure it would be weird and sad, because his little girl was growing up. But he couldn’t keep her indoors with him forever, she had to go out and learn.

He hadn’t heard from Sam or Natasha in a while and he was getting antsy, but it was fine. They could handle themselves, the mission was big and he knew that it probably wasn’t a SHIELD approved one. They were doing this for him and Sarah.

SHIELD’s downfall was a shock, one that stunned the entire tower into silence until Jarvis started securing the doors, window, anything until further notice to a higher degree than they already were.

Steve takes to securing the room at night, keeping watch over Sarah as she sleeps, to on edge to sleep himself. He stars pacing, worrying more and more.

The days get quieter, the months get longer and everybody seems to wilt under the pressure. Clint disappears and then returns with a mouthy girl and pizza-dog. Their arguments often hissed across the breakfast table before the girl rolls her eyes and leaves. She doesn’t leave the tower though, and when she does it’s to walk Lucky.  
  
“That’s Kate.” Clint explains one night over beer, Sarah was asleep on the large couch while Steve and Clint sat on the floor “She’s the other Hawkeye”  
“Why’s she here?” Steve asks “She doesn’t want to be” He knew he was being impolite, but he also knew what it was like to be trapped somewhere and he didn’t like it. Years of being bed-ridden had taught him that much  
“Doesn’t matter what she wants.” Clint had snorted “as long as she’s safe” He sighs “The world isn’t safe anymore Cap, and I know for a fact that she’s on a radar. She has to be, if she takes over Hawkeye duty sometimes.”

Steve had just nodded and started putting on two pots of coffee in the mornings for both Hawkeyes, enough to have a pot each. They were less cranky after that.

Thor had left to go and protect Jane, which left the tower quieter and more subdued. Sarah was completely effected by the shift and she became moodier. She threw more tantrums, ones that occasionally Steve couldn’t control, and cried more, the crying was the worst. She had gotten out of so many baths because Steve couldn’t bear to have her crying.

Sarah perks up a little when she starts school. And comes back bouncing, endlessly quizzing everyone within reach about what she’s learnt and how she learnt it. Jarvis takes the brunt of the questions with a smile in his voice. If robots could smile.

School does Sarah the world of good and she makes friends quickly, her good mood picking up the mood of the entire tower. She’s started singing, loudly. And the Russian lullabies turn into loud Russian bash-alongs after Tony constructs a tiny drum kit for her. Everybody’s just glad she’s out of her mood. And she constantly sings to the songs that Sam recommended, showing no interest in the top 40, much to Bruce’s delight, he was nearly on the edge with the drumming.

They don’t let Sarah’s friends come to the tower, but Steve see’s Sarah off to some playdates and goes to visit Joyce while she’s at them, safe in the knowledge that Jarvis had taken the liberty to vet them and their family lineage courtesy of Pepper (and not Tony, which surprised Steve). Most of his visits consist of Joyce talking about her new boyfriend or how sad it was that Stephanie and Jason ad moved. Steve was just glad or the normality of the entire situation. Wishing he could be back home.

Coulson had taken over SHIELD.

Him not being dead was shocking enough that Tony punched him in the arm. And Steve squeezed him extra tight, just because he could. Coulson wasn’t shocked by Sarah, but he handled her at arm’s length after she jumped on him as soon as he sat down and nearly kneed him in the balls. Sarah was comfortable with everybody, although her trust in strangers worried Steve a bit. HYDRA was currently on the run. Steve would have helped if he could.

//

They bring the Winter Soldier in two days after Sarah’s third birthday.

Natasha rings Steve up as soon as they land, talking in a hushed voice as he assumes they speed through the headquarters  
“You need to come in Steve” She practically whispers “He’s not just the Winter Soldier” She barks a command to somebody and Steve’s already dressing Sarah and putting her in her pram, pulling on a loose hoodie and his running trainers. The headquarters weren’t far, but Steve didn’t think he could walk the distance. Natasha sounded harried and shook up. He needed to be there.  
“Are you guys hurt?” He asks, making sure Sarah had her bunny before trundling to the elevator. He waits while Jarvis brings it up, Sarah babbling away and asking questions. Jarvis answering, occasionally in silly voices that make Sarah howl with laughter. Steve tunes it out as Natasha ignores him, barking out more commands  
“Steve, you’re not understanding. He isn’t the Winter Soldier” Steve’s stepped out of the elevator, phone in hand, other on the buggy.  
“What do you mean Nat?” He’s walking briskly, trying to be mindful of the other pedestrians. But he can’t help break into a run when Nat sighs down the phone.  
  
“I mean, that we’ve just captured Bucky Barnes.”

“Take me to him” Steve growls when he gets there, Pram still in hands and Sarah windswept. She’s giggling, trying to push her curly hair from her face to sit back round her shoulders.  
“Steve” Sam tries to intercept but Steve just knocks him back, gently of course, but he wasn’t in the mood “Where. The fuck. Is he?”

Sam doesn’t say anything more, he just leads Steve to a room with two way glass looking into a holding cell. Steve can’t breathe. Bucky’s sitting there looking worse for wares in clothes that are too big with a raggedy beard and greasy hair that hung across his face. His metal hand is clenched but he looks vulnerable and weak. He’s also staring right back at Steve.

“YOU BOUGHT SARAH!” He’s shocked from his staring to look at Natasha who’s looking severely unimpressed, tapping her foot.  
“There wasn’t any time to get a baby sitter Natasha!” He hisses back before picking Sarah up who had started to fidget. He knew really that she didn’t necessarily need the pram any more as she got independent, but the kid got tired. And today he needed to get to the headquarters quick, so the pram it was.  
“Daddy said a bad word!” Sarah tattles and Natasha’s face eases. Steve relaxes again as he speaks to Sarah  
“You mustn’t repeat that okay”  
“Okay daddy!”

There’s a howling sound followed by a crash and Sarah jumps as the four of them turn to face the window where Bucky was throwing himself about the room, kicking the metal frame and howling viciously.  
“Sarah! How about we go and see the bike me and Nat Nat got you for your birthday!” Sam distracts, whisking Sarah away who soon forgot the troubled man behind the glass.

“I’m sorry” Is the only thing Steve can pick out from the howling and he himself falls against the glass, not knowing what else to do. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you that” The convulsing stops as Bucky lays down, still sobbing.  
“Nat, I have to go in-“  
“You can’t”  
“Why can’t I”  
“Because he’s dangerous”  
“He’s my best friend-“ Steve hadn’t realised that the cell wasn’t sound proofed, and Bucky shoots up, clinging to the bed as he stares out at Steve. The sound is enough to make Steve look properly, and his heart breaks at the sight.

“You can’t see me. I’ll hurt you” There’s a flicker behind Bucky’s eyes and jolts. As if it hurts him to speak “Please Stevie, don’t. You’ve got a kid now” Another jolt and he snarls, his eyes flickering to blankness before they’re back “We always wanted kids huh?” And then he’s still and silent. Eyes blank and unnerving. Bucky had gone.

“Not just the Winter Soldier then” Steve mumbles.

He stays to see them use the cube on him, at Bucky’s request as the man claims that he  
“Needs to fucking remember.”

But Natasha has to drag Steve away as he watches Bucky crumble from the memories.  
“We have to stop them” Steve begins, not wanting to see his best friend in pain but Natasha just shakes her head, pulling him from the room  
“We have to wait this one out.”  
“Nat-“  
“He asked for it Steve, you heard him” He had, the broken sobs telling them that he wanted to remember, would have anything.  
“Doesn’t mean to say he made the right decision”  
“Go and get your daughter, I’ll see to everything here.” It’s final, a command. So he goes.

He finds Sarah and Sam in the lobby, Sarah careering round on a trike with Sam watching over her.

They go home, Sarah riding on Steve’s shoulders, kicking lightly at his chest.  
“Daddy?” She questions as they get to the tower, trike abandoned at the door of the apartment along with the pram.  
“Yes?”  
“Who was dat man?”  
“That man?” He pauses, picking her from his shoulders to place her in her chair “He is my best friend. His name is Bucky”  
“Bucky?”  
“That’s right” He smiles  
“Why was he crying?”  
“He was hurt, by very bad people” He’s not facing her and he knows he should be. Instead he starts making the dinner, waffles and beans. Something quick and easy.  
“Hurt?”  
“Yes. Like, when you scrape your knee when you fall over”  
“He has an ouchie?”  
“A very big ouchie” He nods, putting the beans on the hob. “But he’s brave, and strong.” He turns back, where Sarah was happy to watch him cook and talk. She’s looking at him eagerly, and he feels himself brighten at the sadness he feels. However backwards that may be. Bucky was back. He had Bucky back.

He plates up the two meals, sitting at the table with Sarah who carries on watching him.  
“Bucky?” Sarah asks, as if she knows that talking about him would make Steve feel better. Well, she was his daughter after all. She knew him better than most people. “  
“He was my best friend, always had been. Ever since we were small. He took care of me when I needed it. When my ma died or when I got into stupid fights” He chuckles and Sarah does too, stopping herself from stuffing her face to do so. “I loved him, and he loved me. Very much. We had eachother’s backs. In a small apartment in the blinding cold when I was sick, or when he had gotten ganged up on because he accidentally flirted with the wrong girl.” He laughs at the mess on his daughters face, getting up to get a piece of kitchen roll to get her cleaned up with.

“I threw myself into the ocean after I lost him. I just couldn’t go on.” He finishes up, letting her toddle off to her colouring as he turns the TV on low. He carries on speaking, not being able to stop now that he’d started. “Nobody knew about us. We would have got thrown in jail. But we were great.” Another sad laugh “He was loving and sweet, but rough around the edges. Ready to finish fights I started, and drag me away from danger. He always had my back and I would like to say that I had his. I did, for the most part. Where it mattered. But I didn’t that day. The day he first got an ouchie.” He stops himself short, smile falling before he shakes his head. Letting Sarah get on with herself.

He isn’t allowed to see Bucky the next day, so he talks to Sarah after she finishes telling him about her day. He tells her about Bucky, and he’s not entirely sure that she’s listening, but it helps to talk.  
“He would love you, he loved kids. He would run around with you and play pirates. He would love you just as much as I do” He finds himself repeating that over and over, that Bucky would love Sarah.

And he repeats it to Sam and Natasha at night when he’s crying, head in hands as he sits on the floor.  
“He always wanted kids. We were gonna do something!” He hiccups “He would love Sarah, I know it. He would have been a great dad” And then he bursts into fresh tears “I fucking.” He stops. Slumping down as Natasha hands him the vodka. The burn satisfying as he swigged. “I fucking love him” He sobs, letting Sam mold himself to fit against Steve, Natasha’s hand curling around his foot.

//

He turns up to see Bucky with red rimmed eyes and scruffy hair. He sits in the room, just watching Bucky through the glass. Bucky himself not being able to look at him. He felt like he was dying.  
“Bucky?” It’s the first time either of them has spoken in the three hours that he’s been there. Bucky flinches, but doesn’t raise his head “I could come in there if you like” Steve offers.  
“Don’t you dare Rogers. I’m not stable and you have a child” Steve can barely see Bucky’s eyes through his hair as he looks up, but he knows that the once assassin was glaring.  
“Well, maybe if we could talk in a different environment, I hate being separated by the glass-“  
“Stop trying to risk your life Steve, it isn’t worth it”  
“You are worth it”  
“Then stay behind the glass.”

There’s silence for a few minutes.  
“What’s her name?” Bucky asks eventually, still looking up.  
“Sarah”  
“After your mom”  
“Yer, after my mom” Steve startles  
“I remember everything Stevie. And that includes your mother”  
“I’m glad. You remember Becca right?” Bucky nods sadly at the thought of his sister  
“She went on to do great things Buck. Was a nurse like my mom. She saved so many lives. Known by many, loved by all you know. She went around the world helping people.” Steve smiles, “Just thought you would want to know. In case these guys don’t tell you anything”  
“They really don’t.”

“You want me to bring Sarah next time? I’ve been telling her about you. She wants to meet you”  
“I’de wait Stevie.” Is all Bucky says, and Steve leaves it there, waving as he leaves to pick Sarah up.

He’s got vodka again that night, sitting with Sam.  
“He says he remembers everything, but I don’t want to bring it up” He mutters  
“Why not?” Sam questions, sipping a beer. Steve relishes the burn of the vodka now, keeping him focused.  
“How do you say ‘oh hey, do you still love me?’ to a brain washed guy who recently got his memories back?” Steve snarls, hitting his head off the seat of the couch.

He goes again the next day, and the next and the next. And this goes on for weeks. Telling things he thinks Bucky will want to know. What happened to Peggy and the Commandos. Telling him about the people he met in the future and the stories he writes. Bucky perks up at that, actually grinning at the fact that Steve was finally able to draw and write freely without worry. But he mainly talks about Sarah, unable to stop himself. His stories made Bucky chuckle occasionally, and his incapability’s with the future make him snort. He still won’t let Steve into the room, and his bad days are frequent. But they get there. Steve doesn’t bring up their relationship and Bucky doesn’t mention what happened with HYDRA. He has days when he spills what they made him do, but he won’t mention his arm or their procedures. He told Steve that he saves them for his therapists.

“Sarah drew you a picture yesterday” Steve starts with when he visits, he holds the paper up before going round to the metal door keeping Bucky in, slipping it through the hatch normally reserved for food. The picture itself is of Steve, Sarah and what Sarah remembers of Bucky minus the tears.  
“She remembers me?” Bucky croaks, and Steve nods  
“Of course”  
“Because I was mess. What were you thinking by the way Rogers, bringing a three year old to see an ex-assassin in a cell?”  
“I wasn’t thinking. And she remembers because I tell her about you” He shrugs “She likes hearing stories about you”  
“You tell her about me?”  
“Well of course, why wouldn’t I?” Bucky looks up at him, finally able to do so now without wincing  
“Because I murdered people”  
“So did I”  
“Yes but you did it for justice”  
“You did it because you were brainwashed, and those people I killed were innocent. Just kids like us going to war for the most part” Steve gets a little quitter at that, but perks up again. Not wanting to dwell.

“She likes hearing about what we used to get up to”  
“What? The months you spent bedridden with illness or the many, many times we fucked? Because those aren’t child appropriate Rogers” Startled, Steve gasps as Bucky laughs loudly.  
“You’re wanting to talk about that now huh?”  
“Didn’t know how to address it before”  
“Well?” Steve was tense, and had inched to the edge of the seat he had been given.  
“You were the first thing I remembered, and my last thoughts at night”  
“You’re still cheesy!” Steve crows and Bucky blushes  
“Gotta give you a run for your money Mr Tells His Daughter About His Secret Boyfriend All Day”  
“Not my secret boyfriend, Sam and Nat completely know”  
“Is that why Romanof keeps smirking at me?”  
“Do you not share sex stories with your friend? Oh I’m sorry, do I not remember you telling Dum Dum how I sounded in bed!” Bucky blushes again and Steve cackles, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’m glad they got to live”  
“So am I.”  
“What exactly did you tell Romanof and Wilson?”  
“Not much”  
“Steve” Now he knows where he got his ‘parent’ voice from.  
“Really, not much!”  
“Their smirks beg to differ!”

“Has Clint been to visit you yet?” Steve grapples for a new topic, Bucky did not need to know what he had told Natasha  
“The archer”  
“Yer”  
“Yer he has, sarcastic mother fucker, but he’s cool, and stop changing the subject!”  
“I’m not changing the subject”  
“You are so changing the subject”  
“Shut up Buck”  
“Make me”  
“I would, if you let me in the damn room!”

Bucky pales a little and draws back, the joy fading quickly form his face.  
“I’m still dangerous Stevie, you know that”  
“Your bad days are getting better Buck and you’ve made loads of progress within the weeks you’ve been here”  
“I don’t want to hurt you” He looked so sad  
“You can’t, super hero remember” He’s aware his tone matches Bucky’s but he can’t help it  
“You aren’t Captain America to me”  
“You may be one of the people who feel like that Buck.”

“Steve, you’re gonna be late for Sarah” Natasha says from the doorway  
“Make him let me in so I can kiss him and then I’ll go” Steve whines  
“I don’t think I could make him budge on that one”  
“You’re damn right!” Bucky calls, so Steve makes do with blowing one at the window before he leaves.

//

“Let me iiiiiiiiinnnnnn” Steve whines, forehead against the glass the next week  
“You sound like the big bad wolf” Bucky chuckles, he now has a row of drawings lined up on his wall. Most are from Sarah, but there’s one of Sarah done by Steve which takes pride of place.  
“That makes you a pig! Ha!” Bucky oinks obnoxiously and Steve giggles  
“Can I bring Sarah next time?”  
“You can do whatever you like Rogers, but I can’t be blamed if I’m having a bad day” This was a large step up from the refusal Bucky normally gave him. Another sign of his recovery.  
“How about if Nat texts me beforehand?”  
“Well, if you want. I do want to meet her properly you know”  
“I know”  
“I can’t believe you were able to get a kid”  
“She’ll be ours when you get out”  
“Steve-“  
“No, she will be. Because you’re going to be living with us. And I’m not going to not have kids with my boyfriend you know. You’ll love her. Honestly!”  
“Steve I’m not father material”  
“Neither was I, I adapted”  
“What if she doesn’t like me?” His voice was getting quitter and quieter, hunching up on the chair he had pulled up so he could sit near Steve through the glass.  
“She already loves you because I do.” Steve says finally and that’s that.

He visits the next week, Sarah gripping his hand tightly, bouncing along. Gabbling happily to herself. Steve stops her just before they get into the room  
“Now Sarah, what did I say before we got here?”  
“Be nice”  
“That’s right, now we’re going to see Bucky.”  
“Bucky!” Sarah grins, before Steve leads them into the room, Natasha behind them.

Steve whistles quietly, Bucky had his hair tied back, and he was freshly shaven. His white clothes looked new and he was nervous as hell. Sarah sees him and runs to the glass, waving madly with her nose pressed against the glass  
“Bucky!” She shouts again, and only quietens a little when Steve places a hand on her back “Hi Bucky!” She calls again and laughs when Bucky waves back  
“Hi Sarah”  
“Hey Buck” Steve grins and sits down, setting Sarah on her own chair. Natasha leaves them to it, shutting the door behind her.

“How are you guys?” Bucky asks, sounding awkward and stilted, looking at Sarah with wide disbelieving eyes.  
“Good, little tired” Steve answer before poking Sarah in the side to get her to laugh and answer. She holds her bunny up for Bucky to see before beginning to ramble, loudly when she thinks nobody is listening, about what she and it did that day.  
  
“An den we painted” She finishes with a breath and Steve sits back with a small smile as he watches Bucky and Sarah talk. It was mainly Sarah, but Bucky nodded in all the right places and answered when he could  
“What’s your Bunny’s name them?” He asks  
“Bun, why’s your arm grey?”  
“It’s metal, because I lost my real arm”  
“Why’d you not find it?”  
“Didn’t have a map” Sarah looks thoughtful before nodding as if it was a perfectly good explanation.

“Drew you picture” Sarah hops off the chair to get it from the bottom of the pram, holding it up to the glass for Bucky to see  
“It’s beautiful” Bucky nods before pointing to his wall “I put up all the pictures you draw for me”  
“Daddy give them to you?”  
“Every single one” Sarah grins toothily before turning to Steve  
“Can I ‘ive it to Bucky?” That’s when Steve turns to ask Bucky who’s looking a little grim.

He stutters, faltering on his answer  
“I would be in there” Natasha says, coming back into the room “along with Steve who is more than capable of keeping Sarah safe” Bucky continues to think it over, looking from each person before nodding a little. Steve’s hear soars.

He ushers Sarah to the door and waits as Natasha opens the door to Bucky’s cell. Bucky himself has crowded himself against the opposite wall, but that doesn’t stop Sarah from running up to him to hand over her drawing and throw herself at his legs. He jumps, but stops Steve from rushing to take her and apologise profusely. Instead, he gently lowers himself to crouch on the floor so that he can hug her back. Used to Sam doing this, she climbs all over him and into his lap with enough force that he pushes himself against the wall to sit down. Bucky is still onto saying anything, and his breathing is quick an uneasy but he’s smiling tentatively and Steve realises that that’s probably the first time he’s been hugged in around seventy years.

Steve goes over slowly, making his presence known before sliding down beside Bucky, putting his arm around his shoulders while Sarah sprawls across the both of them, laughing as she tries to tickle them.  
“Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky Bucky” Sarah repeats, poking gently at his face and arm  
“Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah Sarah” Bucky replies, picking up the paper next to him from where Sarah had abandoned it. It’s a messy dog. “This is brilliant!” He tells her “Another one for the wall!”

Sarah gets bored then, smacking a kiss onto Bucky’s cheek and the Steve’s unprompted before bowling into Natasha  
“NAT NAT! PIGGY BACK!”  
“What do we say?” Steve hasn’t moved, but Sarah still responds to the tone  
“Piggy back please?” Natasha smiles and nods, before shooting a look at Steve. Steve waves her off, he could hold his own.

She leaves, raising her eyebrows before turning her attention back to Sarah. Once alone, neither men say anything, but Bucky shifts closer as they lean against the wall.

“You still think you’re gonna hurt me?” Steve asks  
“No, this is nice.”  
“Told you”  
“Stop being so smug”  
“Can’t help it” He leans his head on Bucky’s, letting it rest and closes his eyes. He had Bucky back.  Bucky Bucky Bucky.

He wakes up to the sound of cards being shuffled.  
“Nat took Sarah home, they didn’t want to wake you up” Sam says opposite him, before shuffling his hand  
“Sarah told me to tell you that she’s invited me to tea and you can’t say no” Bucky tells him, he hasn’t moved from where Steve’s resting  
“Good evening sleepy, glad to see you can finally sleep” Sam smirks, putting another card down  
“You aren’t sleeping?” Bucky asks, shifting so that Steve has to sit up properly  
“Well no but-“  
“You have a child Rogers, what do you mean you aren’t sleeping!” He’s stern, like when he was small and wouldn’t stop getting into fights  
“I just haven’t been able to sleep is all” Steve shrugs  
“Now is a good time to mention that he won’t see a therapist or take any medication”  
“Sam shut the fuck up-“  
“Steven Grant Rogers you listen to me right now, I know you’re proud and stubborn but those people are here to help. And if you need the help then you need to suck it up and get the damn help you need. You have a child!” He’s getting shrill and he sounds just like Steve’s mother used to. “I will drag you there myself if I have to” He scolds, and Steve glares at Sam who’s sitting back, smirking.

“I hate the both of you” Steve groans, curling back into Bucky.

He’s back again the next day, but Bucky won’t let him in. It was a bad day. Steve just sits, leaning against the glass as Bucky sits on the floor, telling Steve about some of the children he killed as the Soldier. Obviously having Sarah so close had triggered something.

Steve just listens. And waits until Bucky finally looks at him  
“I’m always here” Steve reassures at the relieved look on his face when he sees that Steve’s stayed.  
“I know.”  
“Till the end of the line  
“Till the end of the line you sap.”

//

“When can I see Bucky?” Sarah asks on a Saturday. Steve always just left her in the tower with everybody while he went to see Bucky, but today was going to change that.  
“You want to go and see him now?” He was going to ask Bucky about coming home today, but it could wait.  
“YES!” Sarah shouts before running to go and change out of her pyjamas. It was nearing the summer now so she chooses a dress with her sandals while Steve loads the pram. She wouldn’t need it soon and barely needed it now, but it was there for if she got tired.

The sun was at its height, so he piles the sun cream onto Sarah, putting some onto his own nose to appease her. He doesn’t know how, but the scolding look was all Bucky. Maybe he was seeing things. They walk slowly, enjoying the sun.

They’re let in, and get to the holding cell before they’re stopped by Fury which is a great surprise.  
“Sir” Steve says, a little confused. He thought Fury had dropped off the map.  
“Steve, Sarah” He smiles, but it’s strained  
“What were you doing with Bucky?”  
“Psych evaluation. He’s fine. Sarcastic as heck” It was weird hearing Fury say heck instead of hell.  
“Sarah, this is Mr Fury, he helps out around here”  
“Hi”  
“I would love to stay and chat, but work needs to get done.”  
“Goodbye Sir”  
“Steve, Sarah” He nods and glides away, long coat not there but Steve could imagine anyway.

“Daddy, why did he had a thingy over his eye?”  
“He hurt it, a long time ago”  
“An ouchie?”  
“An ouchie.”

They go into the room, Sarah smiling but Steve cautious. He was right to be, Bucky’s there nursing his knuckles with a dent in the wall. Not a psych evaluation then. He doesn't need to ask.  
“Bucky!” Sarah screams, pressed against the glass and his frown turns into a smile  
“Sarah! Stevie!” He tries to pick his voice up, shaking his hand out  
“Hi Bucky! Can we come in?” Sarah asks, eyes going into puppy dog mode.

Bucky doesn’t say anything but nods, and Steve practically beats Sarah to the door as the guards let them in. Sarah throws herself at Bucky and catches when he winces at her brushing his hand  
“You have an ouchie?” She questions, looking at his hand  
“Yer, I got it before” She doesn’t waste time in kissing his hand, smiling widely  
“All better!” Bucky’s wincing again at the pressure but he smiles back  
“Thank you Sarah, my hand feels much better.”

They sit down, Steve and Bucky against the wall again while Sarah sits opposite. She squeals when Sam comes in, accepting the wave that Steve and Bucky both offer. He produces a pack of cards and starts to teach Sarah how to play black jack, which basically meant that it was him and Sarah against both Bucky and Steve while he let Sarah hold the cards and shuffle them messily.

While Sam is explaining the rules again, Steve brings up Bucky’s bruised hand to kiss gently, even though it was probably mostly healed at that point. The skin under his lips is rough but he doesn’t mind. He keeps the small smile that Bucky shoots him and gives him one back, focusing back on Sarah and Sam, hand curling around Bucky’s gingerly instead of letting go.

At home, when he’s tucking Sarah into bed she snuggles into the covers  
“Can we see Bucky again tomorrow?” She yawns  
“Yes, we can”  
“Night Daddy”  
“Night Sarah.” He kisses her forehead, and switches off her light. She was sleeping in her own bed now and loved her room, especially the night light that Tony had built that projected faint images onto the walls of animals and stars.

They go back again, and Sarah teaches Bucky one of her Russian lullabies. Steve can’t make heads or tails of it, but he likes listening to her repeat the words she knows so well. Bucky repeats them, and then tells her what it means which doesn’t surprise Steve. He just sits on the cot bed, eventually letting himself lie down while he listens to them converse from the floor. He sleeps better than he has in a while.

//

The months pass with the new routine. During the holiday, Sarah saw Bucky nearly every day, only missing the visits when Steve needed to see Bucky on his own, and then saw him on weekends when she was back in pre-school. Steve saw Bucky every day, the visits getting longer and longer as the restrictions with surveillance reduced.

Bucky continued with his therapy and started to tell Steve more and more.

And as Steve had told her, Bucky really did love Sarah. Their inside jokes were annoying as hell though, because most them were about Steve. He didn’t mind for the most part, as he and Bucky slowly slipped into what they once were. They weren’t gross or overly together as they knew that people were watching and Sarah was there half the time, but they were able to kiss each other freely now in greeting and goodbyes, and Sam started a tradition with playing cards, Steve falling asleep on Bucky’s shoulder while Sam, Sarah, Bucky and occasionally Natasha played on.

Steve left Bucky and Sarah to it most visits, sitting with a smile on his face while he watched them draw or eat (with things he smuggled in), telling each other stories or about their days. Bucky particularly enjoyed telling Sarah about Steve before the war and how awkward he was, making her giggle till she complained about her sides hurting. Bucky read to Sarah with her curled on his lap, or was a captive audience when she showed him a new dance she had learnt from her friends at school. She treated Bucky like she treated Steve, which was expected the way Steve talked about Bucky. Sarah and Bucky got on like a house on fire.

Of course Bucky still had his bad days were he could barely move or talk, but Steve was always there and could sometimes draw Bucky out of his own head. Steve got better about sharing his own bad days too, days when he would just in silence, Bucky practising card tricks beside him.

He falls asleep quite often at Bucky’s request, Bucky knowing that Steve won’t sleep properly at home. So he sleeps with Bucky’s hand in his hair as they talk about the stupid dates Bucky made them go on to save face. And again the next time while Bucky tells him about what he wants to do when he gets out which they both know would be sooner rather than later. They both knew that Bucky was still a little unstable, but he had been cooped up for a little under ten months and Christmas was fast approaching.

“We’d still be in the tower seeing as though my old apartment building wasn’t secure enough, but the tower would just be until we found a new place”  
“I am sorry about that by the way” Bucky picks at his nails, unable to look at Steve until Steve covers his hands with his own  
“Don’t worry Buck, it’s fine. And I know that Stark’s going to go big with the holiday, I don’t think I’m gonna be able to cope without help”  
“So you want me there to take attention off you?”  
“Pretty much”  
“I can do that”  
“I wanted the day to be quiet, just me you and Sarah. But Christmas eve is gonna be a thing. It was normally just me, Sarah, Sam, Nat and Clint but now there’s everybody”  
“And you want me to be a part of that?”  
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to Buck”  
“No, I will. But I may skip out early”  
“So am I, don’t worry.”

Coulson lets Bucky leave on Christmas eve. Although he said he would  
“Personally check up on him every three weeks”  
“Yes sir” Bucky had saluted, before following Steve out to the car.

The ride is short and quiet  
“You’re probably going to get clothes for Christmas from everybody, I hope you know that” Steve turns his head to look at Bucky who was staring out of the window  
“I know, I don’t mind”  
“I just hope Tony doesn’t give Sarah a robot or something”  
“Is he that predictable?”  
“Yer.”

//

Steve had warned Bucky about everybody in the tower, so he isn’t surprised when Pepper’s the first to greet him with a handshake and a smile  
“Tony is about somewhere, I think everybody is trading presents in about half an hour or so. Thor has arrived with Jane and Sam is drifting about if you want a familiar face” She smiles again “I hope you like it here, we were all looking forwards to meeting you”  
“Likewise” Pepper’s off again  
“I’m going to get pyjamas on, Natasha and Sarah insists it’s a pyjama party so get to it boys!”

Bucky just throws a side look to Steve before following him  
“Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes, it’s good to have you Sirs”  
“Thanks Jarvis” Steve grins and clocks Bucky’s look of discomfort “Sorry Buck, Jarvis is Tony’s AI, if you ever need help he’ll be there”  
“I will Sirs”  
“My floor please Jarvis”  
“Yes Sir”  
“Jarvis is good, don’t worry. He runs security, the electrics, general tower management and he sings with Sarah most of the time. You’ll learn to love him”  
“There is no learning Sir” Jarvis’ prim voice offers and Steve laughs  
“See” Bucky nods warily but accepts it.  
“Talking wall robots, I can do this.”

Steve gives Bucky some of his pyjamas before grabbing a large bag of presents  
“These are for everybody, they’re from both of us so don’t worry. And there’s one or two for Sarah but we’ll give her the rest tomorrow.” He watches as Bucky places all of the drawings and paintings she had given him onto the table  
“You didn’t have to do that Stevie”  
“I know” He pulls Bucky to his side, safe and warm before kissing his temple “Come on, Sarah’s waiting.”  
“Wouldn’t want to keep her”  
“No we would not” Steve stops them though in the elevator to kiss him soundly, enjoying the feel of having Bucky back under his lips and hands.

They leave the lift without a hair out of place, Steve’s arm still around Bucky like an anchor. He knew the amount of people could get a bit much sometimes. He has to let go of Bucky to catch a running Sarah, swinging her around before plonking her into Bucky’s arms, letting him use her as a human shield as she chatters to him non-stop about her day and all the presents.

Steve guides them to sit in the circle led by Natasha, looking at all the faces. He smiles at her, knowing nobody valued the coming together more than she did. Steve sits by Thor who’s talking to Jane on his right who’s trying to talk to both him and her friend  
“STEVEN!” Thor beams, patting his back “You know Jane, this is her friend Darcy.” Steve waves and grimaces at the wink the brunette gives him. He knew she was joking, but there was always going to be a part of him that was awkward around girls. Kate and Clint wave at him, Clint making a point to give Bucky a big and sarcastic thumbs up which gets returned with a snort. Steve enjoyed Clint and Bucky’s friendship as it gave Bucky a chance to return to his old humour without worrying if he implement on Sarah who was with Steve on his visits more often not. Steve was glad that he didn’t want to teach his child ‘your mom’ jokes. He would never forgive them if that happened.

Once Sarah crawls into Natasha’s lap, Steve introduces Bucky to everybody.  
“Guys, this is Bucky, Bucky this is Thor, his girlfriend Jane and her friend Darcy” He watches as Darcy and Bucky share a slimy wink before laughing along with everybody else, glad to see that Bucky was still Bucky and hadn’t reverted to the Soldier due to the crowd “Then you have Bruce, Pepper, and Pepper’s Tony” They all wave before going back to chatting quietly, probably about the presents if Peppers stern eyes were anything to go by “Then you have Kate Hawkeye and Clint Hawkeye, Nat Nat and Sarah and of course, Sam Wilson, the bane of my existence”  
“Hey man, you spoke to me first okay”  
“Whatever Wilson!” Bucky laughs lightly, eyes shifting nervously. Steve just threads his hand through Bucky’s metal one and holds on tight.

Steve was right, everybody does get Bucky clothes. He sits with a neat pile by his feet, declining the offer for Tony to take a look at his metal arm  
“Come on Barnes, let me do a good thing here”  
“No thanks Stark,” He shakes his head and Steve watches as Pepper pinches Tony to get him to shut up.

Everybody had collectively gotten Steve a new laptop and Graphics tablet which he accepted gratefully while Sarah got a mountain of presents. Jane, Darcy and Bruce had bought her six ‘do at home’ science kits between them while Natasha bought her Russian books. Clint got her a new mini bow and arrow to compensate for her growth while Kate got her more purple clothes, and Sam bought her a plushie of the horse from Brave. Pepper and Tony got her a ’build your own light up robot kit’ before explaining to Steve that they had also set up a savings account for her and would be making payments into regularly that Steve tried hard to refuse. And finally, Thor got her some toys from Asgard which flew around the room.

Everybody got a different type of sweet for Thor, while Jane got subscriptions to different science magazines. Darcy and Kate got clothes, Bruce getting a selection of teas while Tony got gag books on ‘how to be quiet’ and such like, Pepper getting different jewellery. Natasha was slyly handed a case that Steve knew had a collection of heavily adapted knives in, and Sam and Clint got CD’s, with Sam also getting running shoes and Clint getting a large fuzzy blanket which he quickly wrapped around himself. Everybody got an A3 collage from Sarah.

They end the evening by watching a few Christmas films before heading to bed. Steve falls asleep with Bucky in his arms and Sarah in between them.

In the morning, he slips out of bed early to start the coffee and pull out the rest of Sarah’s presents along with Bucky’s. He pours out the two coffees and a hot chocolate before waiting in the living room, knowing the pair would wake up soon after he’d finished.

He isn’t wrong as Sarah speeds in, looking around.  
“Santa’s been!” She shouts excitedly as Steve passes Bucky the second coffee. Bucky takes it gratefully before they sit back and watch as she unwraps her presents. It’s nice just sitting there, curled together as Sarah ohhs and ahhs, drinking their coffee sleepily. He has Bucky back, and his daughter is happy. He wouldn’t want anything else.

They go for a walk in the park, the snow not reaching New York that year. It’s still nice though, Bucky making sure to wrap them both him and Sarah up as well as donning the clothes he got, including the leather jacket he got from Natasha. Steve had stared a little when Bucky had told him about what he and Natasha had been but he understood, and if he was honest he was glad. They helped each other out in a bad situation and if he was in Bucky’s place he would have done the same thing. It wasn’t hard to fall in love with Natasha, just a little bit. Even if it wasn’t the love that she and Bucky had once held for each other. Natasha had assured him that there was nothing there anymore, but they still cared for each other evidently and Steve was glad that Bucky had somebody else to turn to if needs be. He couldn’t find it within himself to get jealous. They had both found love again, Bucky with Steve and Natasha with Clint no matter how subtle they tried to be!

So they walk in the park for an hour or so, enjoying the quietness of the air and the stillness that Sarah seems fit to completely ruin with her joyful laughter and antics. Steve is well and truly happy.

When they get back and Sarah is in bed, Steve pulls out Bucky’s present  
“It isn’t much” He offers “But I went to the museum to get our tags back. You had left yours in your pack when you fell which was kinda stupid by the way” He sucks in a breath as he hands his own over “I just thought it would be nice to um, swap you know. But if you don’t then it’s completely fine and really stupid-“ Bucky shuts him up with a kiss  
“It’s great Stevie” He threads the chain over his neck and tucks the tags into his t-shirt, eyeing the place where his own rested against Steve’s chest with a satisfied little smile.

//

They decide to keep New Years quiet and fall asleep together on the couch, Sarah resting happily on top of them.

//

Sarah calls Bucky Dad shorty after her fourth birthday which passed much like the third. Bucky cries. Fair enough it is later that night over vodka and beer with Steve, Natasha and Sam but he still cries.  
“Never had that trust before other than Steve”  
“Told you we’d be dads”  
“Don’t get so smug Stevie, we still need to talk about the therapist situation”  
“Later” Steve combs his hands through Bucky’s hair and Bucky nods before turning his attention back to Natasha and Sam  
“I’m a fucking father!” He mutter eventually, happy. Natasha grins toothily at the both of them, raising the bottle of vodka along with Bucky as Sam and Steve raise their beers  
“Too fatherhood” She chirrups  
“To fatherhood” The men chorus before drinking.

//

Bucky reverts occasionally, but he never harms anyone again, just holes himself up in the bedroom.  
And Steve still doesn’t sleep all that well. But they get by, Sarah happily calling them both Daddy just trundling along with life.

They move out of the tower and into a little house on the fringes of Brooklyn with their own yard that Steve plans to build a treehouse in. Sarah goes to school, and Natasha, Sam and Clint still frequent the house. Steve starts seeing a therapist, much to Bucky’s relief and Bucky manages to get his visits down by half. Their life slowly starts building itself again, and they work to make it better every day.

Steve still keeps in contact with Joyce after things settle down and finds that she has a new boyfriend. He invites them over for dinner and it goes swimmingly. Bucky is readily introduced and Steve and Joyce laugh at the fact that their partners both get on so well and bond over following the children round like mother ducks. It’s endearing to say the least.

Natasha still binges occasionally, but still comes round just as often  
“I like you guys, what can I say” She answers when Steve asks before returning the hug she’s been pulled into.  
“We like you too.” Steve mutters as she lets out a wobbly laugh that he makes a point not to comment on.

He carries on writing and drawing, happily meandering his way through after he quit the advertising job which happened just after he was shot at. But his drawing and writing happily continues, his qualms with future technology finally gone.

Bucky makes a point of date night when he eventually gets better with the crowds which ends up with him and Steve making out in the car like horny teenagers while either Sam, Nat or Clint text to tell them to take their time.

It’s a good life, with him, Bucky and Sarah. The 21st Century isn’t bad at all, now that he has two people to help him muddle through it.

Bucky wakes him one Saturday morning with coffee and a kiss while Sarah runs in to jump heavily onto the bed. He re-adjusts himself to stare at the scene before him, Bucky sitting on his phone while Sarah tried to read to herself between the two of them, commenting and grinning at every chance she got. Yes, it was a good life.


End file.
